I believe in divine appointment. I believe that God places
people and events in our lives at certain times to speak to us or allow us, by
the grace of God, to speak into someone else's life. Due to certain life events,
things have been swirling around in my head like whirlpool. I felt powerless to
make sense of the chaos and had been desperately trying to grasp onto anything
that would allow me to steady myself. I was in pain; I was dizzy with confusion
and felt I no longer had the strength to stand. I wanted to run, run far and
fast, but how could I do that when I couldn't even stand? So I hit my knees and
I prayed. Without ceasing I was constantly in prayer. I would try to stand and
the waves of disorientation would hit me again. I was brought back to my knees.
This cycle persisted several times over several months. Finally I got the
message; STAY on your knees child and be still. Stay on your knees, wait,
listen, and obey. “I have been listening!” I wanted to scream. Don’t you hear
my cries Lord, don’t you see my tears? I hadn’t been listening at all. I knew
all the right things to say and do and tell myself. Now I needed to be still.
What did that look like? I hadn’t been still in so long. Even as I was crying
out to Lord in prayer I hadn’t even finished before I was trying to move on.
How could I possibly hear what God was saying if I left the conversation before
I was even done asking for His guidance. I formulated my own plan, and was
ready to execute it when a divine appointment happened. God is faithful, and as
stubborn as we are, He is patient.
“This is the Lord’s doing, and it is wonderful to see” (Palms
118:23). For a moment this verse cut like a sword. How could my pain
be a wonderful thing to see? Why would God have someone give me this verse? As
if in a whisper I heard, “Pray and be still”. So I began to pray on this verse.
I could not approach this through the pain I had so violently tried to suppress.
I had to let the anguish be and approach it through the curiosity of a child. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is
wonderful to see. What are you up to God?
That divine appointment was so well laid out, so perfect in
timing, so soothing to my heart. I could not ignore it and slowly, as if a
clock whose numbers and hands had been jumbled up began to move back into
place, I saw the wonderful happening. My state of mind began to shift. I began
to recognize the joy of Christ again. It had never left me, I had just covered
it up as I was covering and hiding everything else in a desperate attempt to
not feel anything. Now it began to glimmer and eventually it was like a ray of
sunshine that was meant for me alone. What are you up to God?
There are many times in our life that we let our emotion, our
heart, and our negativity rule our decision making and how we react to
situations. Be aware that “the heart is deceitful above all things, and
desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). It is in these times
that we need to wonder what God is up to.
When plans are modified and unexpected change occurs, wonder
what God is up to…
When you experience delays, be kind, be still, and wonder
what God is up to…
When problems and challenges arise, don’t resist, rather yield,
surrender, and wonder what God is up to…
When unexpected surprises come your way, wonder what God is
up to…
When directions are altered, wonder what God is up to…
When you are removed from a setting, wonder what God is up
to…
When current events shape your world, wonder what God is up
to…
“O LORD my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your
plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite
all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them” (Psalm 40:5).I believe with all my heart, despite my own self sabotage
and poor decision making in the past, that God has something wonderful waiting
at the end of all this. So I will pray, and I will be still. I will always
wonder, with childlike curiosity, what are you up to God?
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